she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
