i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
