okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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