Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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