I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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