At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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