dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
