am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
