He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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