so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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