Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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