perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
