Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize