I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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