You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
