just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
