i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
