I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
