it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
