he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
