I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
