pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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