The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
