Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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