I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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