you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
