that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
