she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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