when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
