So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
