Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
