So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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