I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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