bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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