and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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