don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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