also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
