If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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