I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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