Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
