All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
