I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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