Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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