turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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