Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
