I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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