What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
