I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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