Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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