I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
