I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
