you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
