Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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