the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
