The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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