dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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