you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
