All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
