Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
