She's JV to your varsity
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
